


Comfortably Numb

by silver_drip



Series: Spiraling 'verse [11]
Category: Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor - All Media Types
Genre: 5+1 Things, Attempted Kidnapping, Child Abuse, Dark, Manipulation, Mass Murder, Moral Ambiguity, Murder, Suicidal Thoughts, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Unplanned Pregnancy, Villain Tony Stark, implied attempted rape, schemes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-14
Updated: 2015-07-16
Packaged: 2018-04-09 08:04:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4340579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silver_drip/pseuds/silver_drip
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five time Tony Howardson killed and the one time he didn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. To Defend

**Author's Note:**

> These aren't in chronological order.

Tony read the report over for the second time. His poor Mora-Mora. She was too sweet and free spirited for all the realms.

He was certain that she’d seek him out soon enough, but first… he would not allow such a travesty to go unpunished.

Other than Sibin and Leah, Amora was his only friend, but as with most of his relations he was holding back so much of himself that it hurt. What made it worse was the fact that she never held back, she was always her bright and loving self.

What Lord Vlats did to her,  tried to do to her… Tony was just glad that he’d given her that locket that instantly pulled her to the nearest branch of the World Tree when she activated it.

He was just worried about her state of mind. She always lost her good senses after a relationship ended, let alone two at once, especially considering one of them was her long time crush, Thor. If she tried going back to Lord Vlats, keeping her safe wouldn’t be easy.

Besides that, his rage was burning him up both emotionally and physically. The metal in his chest was molten and churning. He had never felt this sort of anger other than towards Odin. It had never been this intense, even when it came to the All-Father.

He’d never moved so fast in his life before, traveling from Niflheim to Vanaheim in a matter of days. With Jarvis’ help Tony quickly found the mansion Lord Vlats had moved to after his exile.

Tony unlocked the door easily, opening it silently as he slipped a glamour on. Jarvis swept in, already knowing the layout and Lord Vlats’ location.

Tony considered just setting the whole place on fire, but didn’t want to draw too much attention.

He ran into a few servants, easily crippling them with a slash or two of his sword.

Tony kicked down a heavy door, starling Lord Vlats. The former council member stood up, knocking over his meal.

“Who—” Lord Vlats’ eyes went wide as Tony shifted his sword into a club.

“This isn’t going to be quick.”

It wasn’t.


	2. To Manipulate

She was small for an Aesir, an easy target. Tony had been tracking her for weeks. She had a simple routine—going to work at a flower shop and then heading home. Wednesdays were the only time her routine changed. She went to a popular pub with friends.

It was Wednesday. His face wasn’t his own. He knew he looked far too much like his father to walk around Asgard without drawing attention to himself. Everyone thought he was dead and he wasn’t ready to correct that assumption just yet.

He followed her to the pub. The two Dark Elves he’d hired were already there. They wouldn’t recognize him with this face.

Tony bought the cheapest mead there to blend in. It tasted like swill compared to his usual drinks.

The two Dark elves kept glancing at her. Thankfully, she was distracted by her friends.

The Aesir left by herself, the two elves following her. Tony finished his drink before taking his leave. He kept out of sight, sensing the tracking spell he had on one of the Dark Elves. The Aesir was on her usual route.

Tony dropped his glamour, making sure his cloak kept his face hidden. There weren’t a lot of guards in this district, but there was always the chance of someone else recognizing him.

He picked up his pace when they started nearing the alleyway he had selected. He had cast a silencing spell on the area earlier in the day.

He heard a tell-tale scream and picked up his pace. Tony rounded the corner and spotted his scheme in action. The two elves were trying to abduct the Aesir woman. The taller of the two was holding her against the wall while the other was uncoiling a rope. She was struggling as her attacker shoved dirty cloth into her mouth, causing her to gag. Her arms were pinned above her head and she was futilely trying to kick against him. The taller elf shoved his knee between her legs, using her tight dress to keep her from moving.

Tony cast an illusion of Aesir walking by the mouth of the alley. She tried to call out to them desperately. A few locked eyes with her, but quickly hurried on.

“Hurry up,” the taller of the elves hissed at his partner. Tony chose that moment to step in. He drew his sword while charging forward.

The shorter Dark Elf dropped his rope and pulled out a long dagger. The other elf threw the Aesir to the ground and her head hit the cobblestone hard.

Tony thrust his sword shallowly and the elf parried it easily. He had to make this fight look even.

The other elf joined in and Tony maneuvered so that they were blocking the alley and any potential escape for the Aesir.

The Dark Elves attacked him at once. He let one slip by him while meeting the swing of the other. He kicked him away and spun around to counter an oncoming attack. He could sense the other moving behind him and Tony moved half a step forward, causing the otherwise fatal blow to merely slice open his back.

Tony let out an overdone groan of pain. He jolted forward awkwardly, barely knocking aside the dagger that would have gutted him.

He felt the Aesir woman’s eyes on him. Tony supposed he had put on a good enough show. His fighting style quickly became more refined, but was nowhere close to his actual abilities. He dispatched the two Dark Elves in a matter of seconds.

He slowly approached the Aesir and could tell she was shaking.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” he said softly. She cringed and pushed herself further into the corner of the alleyway. He noticed that the front of her dress was torn slightly. Things weren’t meant to go that far. Dangerous gambits always ran the risk of backfiring. “Let me take you home. I can’t leave you here and don’t want to run the risk of any of their friends finding you.”

After a long silence the Aesir nodded. Tony held out his hand for her to take. She paused before doing so. He held in a sigh of relief. Things would be much easier if she trusted him, even just a little bit.

“Thank you,” she whispered. He nodded in return before offering up his cloak. She quickly took it, hiding her torn and dirty dress.

“May I escort you home?” He raised his arm and she looped her own arm through it.

“The Feather District.” Her voice was wavering.

“I’ll get you home safely,” Tony promised. All he had to do was keep his head downcast and no one would recognize him.

Her voice was soft as she gave him directions to her home, a home he knew she shared with her father.

She fumbled with the keys and Tony ended up just taking them from her and opening the door. She nodded in thanks.

“How was work?” a male voice from a different room called out.

“Daddy,” she whimpered and somehow her father heard her, rushing in.

The older Aesir engulfed her in a hug, eyeing Tony suspiciously. Tony held up his hands, trying to convey his innocence.

“What happened, honey?” he asked and she only sobbed harder against his chest. He ran his hand through her ruffled hair, worry clear in his eyes. “I’m right here. You’re safe. Please just talk to me.” She shook her head against her father’s chest. “What happened?” he asked Tony.

“I was walking to a restaurant when I noticed people glancing down an alleyway. My curiosity got the best of me. I found two elves attacking her. I had to intervene. Now that I know she’s safe I’ll take my leave.”

“Wait, may I at least know your name?” Tony pretended to hesitate.

“I pride myself with keeping my anonymity, especially in this realm.” Tony cringed and touched his still bleeding back. The Aesir’s eyes went wide when he spotted the blood.

“At least let me treat that wound,” he said while clutching his daughter a bit tighter.

Tony stared at him for a moment before nodding in agreement. He was lead to a humble kitchen as the Aesir whispered comforting words to his daughter.

He kissed his daughter on the forehead before prompting Tony to sit down and take off his flimsy shirt. The wound was deeper than he first suspected. Thankfully, the dagger was sharp and wasn’t likely to scar.

After setting his daughter on one of the other seats and giving her a glass of water he headed over to Tony with clean linen. Tony may be young, but he had plenty of scars from the Jotun civil war, marking him as more than just a simple passer-by. He already knew the bandages would itch until he had time to heal himself properly.

“My name is Tony Howardson.” The fingers on his back stilled.

“Howardson, as in…”

“The one and only.” Tony laughed humorlessly. The fingers started moving again.

“You’re long thought dead.”

“And I prefer keeping it that way. I am not quite ready to return yet.”

“You have my word that neither my daughter nor I will speak of your existence.” Tony forced his bunched up muscles to relax.

“Thank you.” The pair fell silent, listening to the exhausted sniffles in the background. “I’m going to be in Asgard for a few more months on business. If you two would like I could teach your daughter self-defense.”

“You’ve already done so much for us…”

“It would be no problem. Besides, I don’t want to risk her ever being hurt again.”

“You’re too kind,” Fotius, the All-Father’s personal attendant said.


	3. To Protect

Tony’s leg was broken and aching. There were multiple fractures. His leg had gotten the worst of it.

Better his leg than his head, he supposed.

This was why he hated searching for rare herbs himself. The forests of Alfheim had very little metal, but plenty of beasts.

He’d somehow dragged himself closer to a city and away from the worst of the beasts. The splint he made was crude, but would help him heal. He’d have to learn a few more healing spells, more than just the simple ones his mother had used on him after his father had been in a particularly violent mood.

The sound of rustling leaves caught his attention. He pulled out a crossbow. It was best to keep any attackers at a distance while he was in this state. He spotted movement and soon after a Light Elf broke through the brush.

He was young, most likely three hundred years younger than Tony. Tony recognized the signs of abuse, the cagey eyes, stunted movements, and bruised form.

Their eyes met. The elf froze as his eyes went wide. He quickly covered his battered skin and tried to quickly disappear into the foliage.

“Hey kid! You wanna make a bit of money?” Tony pulled out a handful of coins, jingling them loudly. The elf stopped mid-step, turning around slowly. He gave Tony a wary look. “I’m not going to hurt you. I just need some supplies, since I’m clearly in no shape to get them myself” Tony laughed good-heartedly, but the elf was still stoic. “Good money, and you get to keep whatever you don’t use.” Tony pulled out two pouches, one empty for herb collection and the other filled with currency. The elf’s eyes went wide as Tony poured over a hardy amount into the empty pouch. He tossed it and it slid to the elf’s feet. He hastily picked it up, testing out its weight.

“And what’s keeping me from just taking this and not returning?” Despite his words it was clear the elf was scared.

“Other than the fact that I have a very good memory for faces? I’m going to be stuck here for at least a week, which means more money for you.” And who doesn’t love money? “Well, I’ll just make you a list. If you come back, you come back. If you don’t you will have made a poor decision.”

“You would trust me with this?” the elf asked while staring at the leather pouch.

“Every business venture has its risks, kid.” Their eyes met once again.

“My name is Sibin.”

* * *

The young elf reappeared near sunset carrying a large satchel over his shoulder. Tony was mildly impressed by the amount of money Sibin still had left over. Either he stole the majority of the items or he had talent. Tony wasn’t certain of which one it was yet.

Sibin cautiously walked over. Tony grinned softly, trying not to scare him off.

“So what do you do with your free time?” Tony asked while rummaging through the satchel.

“Usually I don’t talk to strangers in the forest.” The elf started walking away.

“Hey kid, wanna learn how to fight?” Sibin paused. “Free lessons. I just need something to keep me entertained. Just come first thing in the morning.”

“Are you sure you’re not some type of pervert?” Sibin asked.

“Don’t worry, you’re not my type.” Tony laughed as the elf flustered and walked away quickly.

* * *

It was raining. Tony turned his face into the wind. He loved the rain. He used to hate it as a child. He couldn’t hide from his father in the garden when it rained. Up to the point his mother died he had been so weak, not even able to handle a little rain.

Then he ended up in Muspelheim where it never rained. He was constantly dehydrated, his tongue made of cotton and his head pounding. The first time he came to Alfheim and it rained he’d cried.

Sibin walked through the brush.

“I have a new list for you.” Tony held out a piece of water resistant parchment and a new pouch of money. Sibin walked forward and hesitantly took them. “Make sure the metals are pure.” Tony narrowed his eyes. “I’ll know if they aren’t.” Sibin snorted and said nothing as he walked away.

* * *

Sibin reappeared just a bit before noon. His knapsack was larger than yesterday and it was clear he was struggling. Good, strength training was important for being a warrior. He hoped to have the elf exhausted by the end of the day.

He rifled through the sack, pulling out scraps and bricks of metal. He could feel Sibin’s eyes on him as he formed two swords. They weren’t as strong or as well made as if he had forged them. The edges were blunted.

“I didn’t know that you were a mage.”

“I’m a bit of everything.” Tony winked at him before tossing one of the swords at him. Sibin barely caught it.

“What is this for?” he asked.

“Normally we’d start with hand to hand combat, but you need to build up a bit of muscle.” The elf scowled.

“I’m plenty strong.”

“But you can be stronger, faster, and better. You have to start somewhere and we’re starting here.”

“Isn’t your leg broken?”

“I didn’t say you’d be fighting me.” Sibin quickly wheeled around, looking for someone else.

Tony took time to cast a spell, a dark figure slowly appeared. Sibin stumbled away from it. Tony let out a sigh. It took a large toll on him.

The shade took the sword from Tony’s outstretched arm.

“I am not going to take it easy on you.”

* * *

Over the following week Tony’s leg healed and he slowly pulled Sibin’s story from him. His father was abusive to both him and his mother. His father wouldn’t allow his wife to leave their apartment or get a job. Sibin was still too young to get a job outside of an unpaid apprenticeship. The father held all the power financially.

Sibin was a very good student and Tony soon appreciated his quick wit and humor. The young elf had a mind for business and between spars with the shade Tony taught him the basics of the business world.

One morning Sibin appeared with a limp and fresh bruises.

“He found the money I was saving up,” Sibin said simply while looking at the forest floor. Tony twisted a dagger in his hand, wanting nothing more than to plunge it into that bastard’s gut.

Tony said nothing, plans forming in his mind. They didn’t speak for the rest of the day.

When night fell and Sibin went home Tony slowly stood up, trying not to put too much weight on his tender leg. He’d just learned the spell for teleportation, but still didn’t have enough practice to perform it safely, especially so far from the city.

He formed a crutch, hating his own weakness. The trek into the city was painful, but nothing compared to some of his tribulations. Tony found the light elves he was traveling with. They teased him for getting hurt on such a simple quest. He gave them a few choice words before they were all laughing. After that things turned more serious. With some of his earnings he purchased a store. He was quick to set everything up, having researched everything before he got his damn leg broken. By the time the sun rose he was back in the forest, under his tree.

Sibin arrived later than usual, but for once he was smiling.

“What’s got you in high spirits?” Tony asked while grinning.

“I finally figured it out, who you really are.” The elf had a sly look on his face, but Tony wasn’t worried.

“Oh? And who am I?”

“You’re some exiled Vanir lord.”

“How do you figure that?”

“No commoner fights the way you do, not even my father.” Sibin frowned at his own words.

“What did he do this time?” Tony narrowed his eyes dangerously, trying to find any new, hidden bruises.

“He… he was shouting at us, trying to figure out where I got all that money. He accused my mother of trying to leave him.” Sibin’s frown deepened before he grinned faintly. “I did what you taught me to. I barely felt the first few punches.”

“And the others?”

“They weren’t anything I couldn’t handle.” Sibin grinned proudly.

“That’s not the point, though. You really shouldn’t have to handle them.” Tony could see Sibin’s expression completely shut down. “I’m going to kill him.”

“What?”

“My leg’s mostly healed. I’ve already found jobs for both you and your mother.”

“But… I can’t let you do that,” Sibin said faintly.

“Two options: either I kill him or you do.” There was a long pause.

“Or… we could kill him together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may remember Sibin from chapter 17 of Our Paths Unfold.


	4. An Act of Mercy?

Tony popped a raspberry truffle in his mouth. They were imported from Midgard. He was lounging in his manor in Muspelheim. His mind was circulating over what happened yesterday.

It hadn’t been easy to put on the guise of Frigga. He knew his perception of her was skewed by years of hatred. Luckily he had his spy send him pictures of her so he could practice. He was well aware that his shape-shifting abilities were nowhere as good as Loki’s.

Infiltrating the group of mages had been easy enough to do. He appeared far away enough that they couldn’t sense the influx of Tesseract energy or see the blue light.

He was very skilled at invisibility spells. Other than metal manipulation spells he was most skilled at invisibility spells. They had served him well throughout his long life.

Tony had breezed through the various mages and wards with Jarvis on his shoulder. When he reached the queen’s tent he cast a silencing spell on the immediate area. He entered the tent and as his spy had said Frigga was asleep. Tony lit a scentless incense before leaving the tent. Soon enough the luxurious tent would be filled with a drug that wouldn’t allow her to wake for at least a few hours.

After airing out the tent he began a complex spell, shrouding the area to keep others from sensing the buildup of Tesseract energy. He formed a portal and picked up Frigga, transporting her to a secure room in his manor and magically gluing her to a seat.

He examined her features closely before shifting. Tony examined himself in a mirror and sneered.

He left Jarvis in the room after turning him invisible. He knew she wouldn’t be able to escape, but it never hurt to have extra security.

After closing the portal, he dispelled all his enchantments on the area, including the spell that kept him shrouded from Heimdall.

After that everything had gone smoothly.

Tony ate another raspberry truffle. He needed to clean up after their most recent attack. He knew Odin would order the mages back and Tony was certain that the All-Father would either torture them or kill them right away out of rage for them letting Frigga go.

Tony wasn’t certain if it would be a mercy to kill them all. There was a single loose string though. Tony wouldn’t allow one of his loyal spies to be tortured or executed.

Loyalty was key to his underhanded methods. His spy network was extensive. He kept them in the dark about each other.

He needed to build up trust with Loki, though. He’d have to introduce him to a few of his spies, a show of trust… That was for another time though, when he trusted his long lost love a bit more.

* * *

He snuck into their camp just after three in the morning. He knew that the mages were bunked three to a tent. It was simple, just slipping into the tents and slitting throats. Only one elf woke, knocking aside Tony’s dagger. Tony was quick to strangle her, only a few gurgling sounds and thumps escaping as she thrashed beneath him. Tony controlled his dagger to kill the other mages in the tent as he finished the elf off.

After that he retrieved his spy and promised him a new house in Beskyttet.


	5. An Accident

Tony crumbled up the report, trying to even out his breathing. He was used to death, but not like this.

It made sense though. Of all the people he had sex with… one of them was bound to get pregnant.

It was one of the rare occasions when he was thoroughly drunk. He couldn’t even remember why he’d been drinking. Maybe it was out of sympathy. He could understand what it was like to lose someone you loved.

She was showing a rare moment of weakness. It had startled him, but he understood that. Loki was one of his weakness.

Tony was the one who suggested they drink. He spiked his own drink with alcohol that would actually affect him, but left hers untouched. It was strangely comforting to commiserate honestly with someone other than Laufey, to talk about Loki openly.

Tony offered to help her in one of the few ways he knew how to. It was crude and she had punched him immediately. Her eyes were glossy, but so were his. They had used a condom, but he had been too drunk to cast a birth control spell on himself.

Apparently humans couldn’t carry the child of a god. He didn’t know what had happened until Peggy Carter was already dead.


	6. On the Edge

Tony could barely breathe. Jarvis’ voice was in his head, but he could hardly hear him. Nothing made sense, yet somehow it made perfect sense.

He was devastated. He knew this would eventually happen. He’d even said so himself, but he never knew it would end like this.

Tony had stalled his grand scheme, avoiding the look of hatred in those damn green eyes. That aversion had been subconscious. He’d thought he’d finally let him go, given up on their shattered relationship as being more than it was or going back to how it used to be.

It was too late. He should have acted sooner. He should have done something.

He couldn’t help but think that everything he’d done had led to this point…

It was all too much. He couldn’t handle this. His breaths were too shallow. His thoughts were racing. His eyes stung. He’d already cried too much, but the tears just wouldn’t stop.

Tony wished that everything would just stop, that he could go back in time, but how far back would he go? A week before this happened? The hatred would still be there.

The day before The Blinding? If he hadn’t gone through with his revenge plan he would have felt like a sell-out, a patsy, but then he’d have… Besides, that sort of relationship in Asgard was taboo and Odin would have cowed Loki away from it.

If he could go back to before his parents were killed… Howard would have never listened to him. Tony would have just been beaten into a resentful submission.

And if it was before he was born, his parents would have just had another child, and Tony wouldn’t wish that fate on any sibling.

There was no solution, there never was for these sorts of things.

Before everything fell apart he’d been distracting himself with his schemes and grand plans, goals to keep himself busy. It had worked sometimes for him, the underhanded methods, the words carefully whispered in just the right ears. He had thought it was all consuming, but there was always that ache…

Now the pain was overwhelming.

What did he have left in all the realms? Nothing mattered now.

There was a new hollowness, one he’d never experienced before. It went deep. His feet felt heavy and there was a weight on his chest.

_“If you stay in Asgard you’ll either die in that palace as an unhappy old man or go mad.”_

Tony had told him the truth, but Loki had no reason to trust him.

Tony’s mind was running on repeat.

Loki’s dead.

Loki’s dead.

Loki’s dead.

It didn’t make sense, but Tony knew it was the truth.

His heart hurt.

Loki’s dead.

Dead.

He wasn’t ever going to be there again.

He’d never smile again or scowl at Tony.

He’d never say vicious words or try to attack Tony.

Tony would never see those enthralling green eyes again.

Hopeless.

Everything was hopeless.

Tony hadn’t even realized he’d been holding out hope that they could ever be more than enemies.

Dead.

Gone.

There was nothing left now, nothing worth holding on to. He’d already gotten his revenge on Odin, humiliated him a hundred times over. Now it felt meaningless.

Everything was meaningless and everything hurt so much.

Pain.

What was the point of suffering? Of putting himself through this?

With hooded eyes he glanced around the room. He was in the smithy when the messages had arrived. He wasn’t certain how long he’d been laying on the hot ground, long enough for the project he’d been working on to be ruined, not that it mattered.

The glow of the sun his mother created for the forge was entrancing. It would be so easy, just a slight influx of magic to unbalance it, and then… there would be nothing. No pain, no tears, no memories.

It wouldn’t be running away, selfish, or ‘taking the coward’s way out’. It was his life, his decision.

It’s not like he had any obligation to live, there was no one he was beholden to.

Some part of him even enjoyed the idea of Asgard wondering and worrying about when his next attack would be, even though he’d be long dead and they’d never know.

Tony chuckled darkly while he walked over to the small sun, enjoying its heat. It would only hurt for a second and then nothing. He reached out to it and the heat started searing his hand.

Would his fingernails pop off first? The thought made him grin. It couldn’t be much different than when he’d had ice shoved under his nails before.

Ice…

Laufey was dead too, the only person he’d ever considered a father. Another person Odin had taken from him.

A twinge of fury cracked through his pain.

Jotunheim was probably already falling into chaos, Laufey’s dream falling apart.

Laufey who had saved him from torture. Laufey who had raised him up. Laufey who had pulled him out of his depression. He had taught him so much and had cared for Tony almost as much as his mother had.

Something inside of him eased, but the pain was ever present. He could do this, fulfill Laufey’s dream as a repayment for all his kindness and tough-love. He’d kill Odin for him, too. It would probably only take a year and then… and then he could end his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you think!
> 
> [Link to chapter 50 of Our Paths Unfold](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2354360/chapters/9398787)


End file.
